just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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