im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
