i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
