Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
