the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
