she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
