hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
