i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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