I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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