I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
third nipple confirmed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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