If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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