If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize