I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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