im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
