what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
