i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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