Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
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