Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize