Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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