It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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