If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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