I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
