Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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