white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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