He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
