Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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