Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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