Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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