Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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