she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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