Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
not ubering you a puppy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
