idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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