i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize