she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
