Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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