Can i not drive my cunt home
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
