Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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