Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
