he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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