I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
