Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
