Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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