adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
