i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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