i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
