what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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