Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Congratulations! We have a period
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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