A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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