I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
