I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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