it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
