Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
