dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
