i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
