so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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