I am puke
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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