Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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