WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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