Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
