What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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