I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize