I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
