Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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