I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
