Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
