Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
