jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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