it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he was CRYING into my vagina
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
