When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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