i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
