You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
