Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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