its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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