My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
