She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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