I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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