I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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