Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
