am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
