His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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