Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
