Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
