That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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