omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
