I will die if light touches me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
