I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize