this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
