Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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