I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my phone needs a breathalizer
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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