I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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