Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
