If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
