I skipped work to stalk him.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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