i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
