then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
