Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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