This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize